Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
