Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
