Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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