I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
More tranny stories later!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
