I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
