There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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