a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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