He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
