Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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