i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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