I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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