Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
