Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
