He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
