So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
