I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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