I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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