trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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