gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
