Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Bring me that man meat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
