"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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