Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
