Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
