It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This house was built for laser tag.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
