My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
