i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
