he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
