just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
