I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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