I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
