I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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