I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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