It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
