This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would ride that face into the sunset
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
