i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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