i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
