i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
