I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
