ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
