I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
