i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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