Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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