My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
