Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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