hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
