he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
