I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
