On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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