Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
