i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
