hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
