also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
