I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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