I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
